“It Was Scarier Than Any Bong Hit” – Earth Shattering New Link Found Between War Zones And Paranoia.
The world holds their breath (and takes it right down into their lungs) as an Earth shattering discovery is made that smoking extremely strong cannabis in an MRI machine gets you shit-scared and paranoid.
This startling revelation has put drug users under fluorescent light, and is now forcing youths to find new activities for the weekend. Doug Peters, 17 year old cannabis in-taker-and-passer from Cheshire said:
“This is absolutely nerve-wracking for me, like. I had no idea that I would have a rubbish time if I smoked then climbed into a dark, claustrophobic tube with my body wired up to a Windows 95. I’m gonna have to rethink what I do for my 18th birthday now, it’s gutting”
This blinding discovery has promoted the scientific world to start experimenting with other causes of paranoia. One that they have been looking carefully is the link between war zones and the feeling of being scared and vulnerable.
For a long time war zones have been a taboo subject. Despite war zones being the influence for creating so much great music, art and poetry, it is still an on-going debate as to wether or not they should be legal for the public. In Holland, for example, they have de-criminalised conflict zones. This has been open to much debate, as academics say that conflict zones are a gateway battle, and can lead people onto more extreme scenarios such as nuclear war or Judo.
Putting it to the test, the RSFTLOWZACZ (Royal Society For The Legalisation Of War Zones and Conflict Zones) sent 19 year old beanie-hat wearing Liverpudlian, Jason Yuton, into the middle of a high-threat hostage negotiation between two fiercely warring political parties in rural Congo. The key part of this experiment was that at some point, unknown to John, one of the leaders would trap him in an MRI machine, using him as a road-block for incoming tanks and vehicles.
Whilst standing in between the feuding war lords as bullets whizzed past his head and home made grenades lit up the sky around him, Jason was asked to keep a journal of how felt, documenting the date and time of when his paranoia and fear started to rise, and when, upon leaving the war zone, it fell. Jason, when interviewed back at the gift shop stated:
“It was scarier than any bong hit (see title to read this sentence again). I didn’t know war zones were so scary. It’s really made me think… I used to think, like all my friends, that war zones were just a bit of fun to get involved with in the park or when at a festival. Now I’m going to think twice before ever going into a conflict zone before a reggae gig”
So what now for Britons youth? Does this mean the end of conflict-zone culture as we know it? Will 4:20 no longer be used as a commemorative silence? For now, this issue has been rolled up and left under the carpet, and only time will tell before it’s sparked up again.